STRESS RELIEF

[starbuck]

a place to tell jokes and funny stories

[starbuck]

This is a detective story



So Pay Close Attention
.
.


Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
.
.

They smuggle a bottle ofJack Daniel's



into the ball park.
.
.

The game is real exciting





and they are enjoying themselves immensely...
mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.







Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone
and the game has a lot of innings to go.

.

.

.

Based on the given information, what inning is it
and how many players are on base?





Think!






Think some more!!






You're gonna love it

Answer:

It's the bottom of the fifth
and the bags are loaded!

That is a good one. I was thinking ok a 5th but not bases loaded.... Good one bro. [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[PVVikeFan]

I loved it.

[starbuck]

glad you all liked it. hope it put a smile on your face for a second

[starbuck]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mama."

[starbuck]

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the
women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the
necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier."
She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember; you're in
this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the teacher.
"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a
golf bag while we walk?"

[starbuck]

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender;
For example...

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

[shawtylici0us]

You gotta love this guy... This is a true story about a Recent wedding that
took place at Clemson University. It was in the local Newspaper and even Jay
Leno mentioned it. It was a large wedding with about 300 guests...

At he reception after the wedding, the groom got up on Stage with a
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for
coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He
especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new
father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a
special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair,
including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his Bride having sex with
the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just
watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding
out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing
were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and
best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy
has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" Commercial out of this:

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family membe! rs andfriends.........$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.....$3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui....$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride and
the best man having sex..........Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's
MASTERCARD

[shawtylici0us]

1.) When you are sad: I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b@st@rd who made you sad.
2.) When you are blue: I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3.) When you smile: I will know you finally got laid.
4.) When you are scared: I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5.) When you are worried: I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and quit whining.
6.) When you are confused: I will use little words.
7.) When you are sick: Stay tha hell away from me until you get better, I don't want whatever u got.
8.) When you fall: I will point and laugh at your clumsy a$$.
REMEMBER: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]